Co-Parenting A Teen With Mental Health Struggles

Co-parenting as a divorced parent is never easy, but when you are co-parenting a teen with mental health struggles, it can feel like trying to navigate a ship through a storm with two different maps. As a divorced mom, I’ve had to learn how to co-parent as part of a team, even when the “other player” and I don’t live under the same roof. Add to that the challenge of being my teen’s primary support—their chosen go-to person for every crisis and every small victory—and it’s been a journey filled with lessons, heartbreak, and profound love.

My Teen’s Chosen Circle

From early on, it was clear that my teen felt most comfortable turning to me and their older sibling for emotional support. My daughter who’s in medical school a few states away, has always been an incredible role model. The bond they share is something special—a mix of sibling admiration and deep emotional connection. My daughter’s calm demeanor, wisdom, and ability to listen without judgment made them the perfect confidant for their younger sibling. My teen craves her support, yet the physical distance means those moments are often confined to phone calls and video chats.

Meanwhile, my teen’s dad, while very loved, hasn’t been their go-to for the emotional heavy lifting. It’s not because he doesn’t care—he’s a dad who’s always shown up in his own way. But for reasons I can’t fully explain, our teen has gravitated toward me and their older sibling during their mental health journey. And as much as I cherish being their primary support, it’s also exhausting. There were days I’d find myself stretched so thin—juggling work deadlines, doctor appointments, therapy sessions, and early morning and late-night conversations—that I’d wonder how I could keep going.

The Challenge of Co-Parenting A Teen With Mental Health Struggles

Divorce adds another layer of complexity to co-parenting. We’re two people with different personalities, parenting styles, and approaches to conflict resolution. While we agree on the big stuff—like wanting our teen to be happy and healthy—we’ve had to work hard to align on the day-to-day strategies that support their mental health.

One of the biggest hurdles has been communication. Early on, I found myself taking on too much of the burden because it was just easier to handle things myself than to coordinate with my ex. But as the months went on, I realized that wasn’t sustainable. I needed to let go of the idea that I had to do it all and start leaning on my ex in a way that felt productive and fair.

Strategies for Co-Parenting Effectively

Through trial and error, we’ve learned some valuable lessons about how to parent as a team, even when we’re not always on the same page.

1. Prioritize Open and Honest Communication

In the early days, I used to make assumptions about what my ex knew or didn’t know regarding our teen’s mental health. It’s easy to fall into that trap when you’re the one handling the majority of the appointments and conversations. But I quickly learned that if I wanted us to function as a team, I needed to keep him in the loop—even if it felt redundant and exhausting.

Now, we have a system in place. I make it a point to send him regular updates via email, phone call, or text, especially after significant events. It’s not always perfect, but it’s helped us stay aligned and reduce misunderstandings.

2. Divide and Conquer

While I’m the primary emotional support for our teen, my ex took on other responsibilities that lighten my load. He’s in charge of managing the logistics of handling insurance claims. And, we’ve had enough to almost fill a banker’s box. By dividing tasks based on our strengths, we’ve found a way to share the workload without stepping on each other’s toes.

3. Respect Each Other’s Roles

It’s easy to fall into a pattern of criticism when you’re parenting from separate households. I’d be lying if I said I’ve never questioned some of his decisions, and I’m sure he’s done the same with mine. But over time, we’ve learned to respect each other’s roles and trust that we’re both doing the best we can.

For example, while our teen may not turn to him for emotional support, he’s still an essential figure in their life. I’ve come to appreciate the ways he shows up, even if they’re different from mine.

4. Focus on What’s Best for Your Teen

At the end of the day, our shared goal is to support our teen’s mental health. Whenever we hit a roadblock or disagreement, we try to refocus on that common objective. It’s not about who’s right or wrong; it’s about what’s best for our child.

5. Lean on Your Support System

While co-parenting is crucial, it’s not the only support system I rely on. My daughter has been an incredible source of strength for both me and my teen. Despite her busy schedule in medical school, she’s made time for regular check-ins and heart-to-heart conversations. Knowing that my teen has their older sibling to look up to has been a gift beyond words.

I’ve also leaned on friends, extended family, and mental health professionals to help me navigate this journey. If there’s one thing I’ve learned, it’s that you can’t do it alone—and that’s okay. 

Honoring My Oldest Daughter’s Role

It’s impossible to tell this story without shining a light on my oldest child. She has been a constant source of love, wisdom, and encouragement for my teen. Whether it’s offering advice on how to handle a tough day at school, simply listening without judgment, or talking about animals or silly stuff, her presence has been a lifeline.

I’ll never forget one night when my teen was feeling especially low. They called their sibling, who stayed on the phone with them for over an hour, talking about silly things to take their mind off the difficult feelings. I heard laughter during a dark time, and it was beautiful. Afterward, my teen told me, “She just gets it.” Moments like that remind me how lucky we are to have them in our corner.

The Road Ahead

Parenting as a team with a co-parent is a work in progress, and there are still days when it feels impossibly hard. But as we’ve learned to communicate more openly, share responsibilities, and lean on our support system, we’ve become stronger—not just as co-parents, but as a family.

If there’s one thing I hope readers take away from this, it’s that you don’t have to have it all figured out. Parenting a teen with mental health challenges is messy, emotional, and unpredictable. But with love, patience, and a commitment to working together, it’s possible to navigate the storm and find moments of calm.

And to my oldest baby—thank you for being the incredible sibling and role model that you are. Your love and support mean the world to all of us. We couldn’t do this without you.

FAQs

1. How do you maintain communication with your co-parent when things are tense?

   Honestly, it’s a constant work in progress. I’ve learned to prioritize clear, concise updates over emotionally charged conversations. When things are tense, I focus on our shared goal: supporting our teen. Sometimes, it means taking a step back, gathering my thoughts, and then sending an email or text instead of diving into a phone call. It’s not perfect, but it helps.

2. What advice do you have for sharing responsibilities when one parent does more of the emotional heavy lifting?

   It’s important to recognize each other’s strengths and divide tasks accordingly. For example, I handle most of the emotional support because my teen naturally gravitates toward me, but my ex takes care of logistical tasks like insurance. It’s not always balanced, but it’s manageable. Be honest about what you need help with and ask for it.

3. How do you avoid burnout when you’re the primary support for your teen?

   It’s hard, and there are days I feel completely drained. What helps me is leaning on my support system—whether that’s close friends, my therapist or my older daughter (but, I try not to put pressure on her). I’ve also learned to give myself permission to step away and recharge, even if it’s just for a short walk or a quiet moment to breathe.

4. How do you handle disagreements about parenting styles with your co-parent?

   Disagreements happen, but we try to refocus on what’s best for our teen. It’s not about winning an argument; it’s about finding a solution that supports their mental health. Sometimes that means compromising, and other times, it means agreeing to disagree but staying respectful.

5. What role do siblings play in your family’s mental health journey?

   For us, my oldest daughter has been a lifeline. She has a special bond with her sibling, and her ability to connect with them—even from a distance—has been invaluable. If you have older siblings in the mix, don’t underestimate the power of their support. It doesn’t have to be grand gestures; even a simple phone call can make a difference.

6. What’s been the hardest part of co-parenting through a teen’s mental health struggles?

   For me, it’s been letting go of the idea that I have to do everything myself. I used to take on too much because I felt like I needed to shield everyone else from the stress. Learning to share the load and trust my co-parent (and others) has been difficult but necessary.

7. How do you make sure your teen knows they’re supported by both parents, even if they lean on one more than the other?

   I remind my teen often that their dad loves them and is there for them in his own way. I also make a point to involve their dad in important conversations and decisions so that our teen sees us working together. It’s all about reinforcing the message that we’re a team, even if we play different roles.

8. What’s one thing you’d tell other parents navigating similar challenges?

   You’re not alone. Parenting a teen with mental health struggles can feel isolating and overwhelming, but there are people who understand and want to help. Lean on your support system, be kind to yourself, and remember that progress isn’t always linear. It’s okay to take it one day at a time.

Helpful Articles & Sources

Substance Abuse & Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA): Part of the U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, drives public health initiatives to improve the nation’s behavioral health.

National Alliance on Mental Illness (NAMI): Offers free education, skills training and support.

Harvard.edu: Mental health resources for parents and teens

Evolve Adolescent Behavioral Health: A platform dedicated to mental health professionals focused on empowering teens to heal, find hope, and reach their full potential.

Kid Think: Non-profit children’s mental health center.

Newport Academy: How to Cope When Your Teen’s Mental Health Issues Are Impacting Your Marriage.